A few days ago, I posted a blog about success. After thinking about success for a while, I think my idea of success is being comfortable in my own skin. If you ask me about areas of success in my life, I would say that I am fairly successful as an attorney (I would always like to be better), that I try to be a good and successful mother (I have a LONG way to go in this area - I do the best I can), that I work to be a good PW. However, all of these are things that I do. I do not want to simply be satisfied with things that I do, I want to be comfortable and satisfied with who I am.
For those of you that know me well, you know that I have a very hard time saying no. I get involved in far too many activities, and then I get tired and burn out. I think that I often fill my time with so many activities because I am gaining my self worth and vision of success based on what I do (doing the right things as a mom, doing enough service and church activities, etc.) I feel that I am only useful in God's eyes (and sometimes my own eyes) when I am being productive. I want to be comfortable being alone with myself. However, I often do not have the time to be alone with myself to gain this comfort.
Thus, as I begin to focus on achieving "success", I want to focus on loving myself, becoming comfortable with who I am, and most importantly, gaining my self worth for the person I am, not for the things that I do. I think this is especially important for me as a Christian. I think I work so hard to "do" things in the hope that by doing many praiseworthy things, God will love me. I want to feel God's love for me in my heart - a love that loves me for who I am, not for the works that I do.